No Commercial Potential: Now that I'm saved, I wish I was damned.

An Abbreviated Rundown of Unconnected Events14 August 2007

Hola, Amigos. Been a while since I rapped at ya. Thing is I was traveling a lot, and then I was working to catch up from all the traveling and now all the working has me so bored my eyes are bleeding. But anyway, let’s recap:

Toronto, Ontario: Land of Aggressive Squirrels

If you’ve been anywhere near the front of this site or my Flickr stream you would have by now concluded that I have been in Toronto recently. This is so. Allow me to endorse Toronto in numbered-list form.

1. It is very much like a one-third-size Chicago with the lake in the wrong place. Instead of a Sears Tower they’ve got a CN Tower. Instead of unreliable busses, they’ve got unreliable streetcars. And instead of street crime, they have very pushy black squirrels. Like these.
2. Most of the time I was in Toronto I had the Moxy Fruvuous song King of Spain stuck in my head which brought me closer to madness than I’m comfortable with.
3. I got to see SkyDome (absolutely not under any circumstances the Rogers Centre (sic)) open up from above while visiting the aforementioned tower. Could have gone to the game to see Frank Thomas hit two home runs, but did not.
4. Toronto demonstrated how weirdly segregated Chicago can be. All kinds of every kind of different people are everywhere doing everything all together. I saw hip-hop Sikhs who looked like they escaped from Da Ali G Show. There’s a Portuguese radio station. All the dingbats down here who are afraid of any more Mexicans getting into the country would absolutely soil themselves in Toronto.
5. Queen Street and Kensington Market are trapped in a strange dimensional anomaly where it’s still 1986 and the punks have taken over. Which is better than the preppies, if you ask me, but a lot of these people are trying too hard.
6. There are so many yarn stores in Toronto even Brenda couldn’t be bothered with them all. But if the people in the yarn stores find out you are from out of town, they will command you to see them all. (Don’t do it.)
7. I wish Chicago could do something with Northerly Island like Toronto’s done with their Island Park. (Except for the kiddie amusement park. (Dear god please no not the kiddie amusement park.)) Altho at this point I guess we’ll lucky if the CTA doesn’t start charging us $5 and a punch in the face per ride soon, so I guess I won’t hold my breath.
8. Somehow Brenda and I both managed to get more sun in Toronto than we did in Key West.
9. I could easily and happily move there if, say, Rudy Giuliani (or any Republican at all) gets elected in 2008. Which is good to know.

The Rewheeling

What with all the out-of-town-ness and dealing with the double-sided dorkrods at Performance it only took, like, a month to get my bike put back together. But I did and the world is right again. Ok, except for the front brake which is all squishy, but one thing at a time.

I’m all paranoid about parked cars now, tho.

(Nobody say ‘helmet’ to me.)

Nothing Else

Sorry. I told you it was abbreviated.

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